2025 auction recap

Bud Light Berto

Bud Light Berto · Balanced

B+

Bud Light Berto is a 12-pack with Saquon Barkley for $70 taped to the side and a lineup that still has to survive last call. Bud Light Berto is hoping streaming is a personality after paying $1 for Darren Waller. Bud Light Berto dropped 35 percent of the night on Saquon Barkley, which is a monument with a prayer taped to the base. Bud Light Berto will have the group chat defending this until week four, then it becomes a documentary.

Mediocre Bacon Slinger

HadleyBall75 · Studs and duds

A

Mediocre Bacon Slinger slung Ja'Marr Chase for $69 like a diner special: grease, hope, and a ticket that still has to get called on Sunday. Mediocre Bacon Slinger collected 7 dollar players, which is not depth so much as a clearance rack with hope in the pockets. Mediocre Bacon Slinger paid $69 for Bijan Robinson on a $56 board and called it competing. Mediocre Bacon Slinger bought a ceiling and forgot the floor takes mail.

Team Name TBD

5674petersm · Balanced

B+

Team Name TBD still has a placeholder for a name and a finished invoice for Jahmyr Gibbs for $69, because branding can wait and delusion cannot. Team Name TBD left the auction without a quarterback, which is a choice, and also a cry for help with better lighting. Team Name TBD's running back room is Jahmyr Gibbs and Josh Jacobs, which is one turf toe from a philosophical crisis. Team Name TBD gave confidence a budget and depth a shrug.

The Hitmen

hamby99 · Hero RB

A

The Hitmen sent the house after Justin Jefferson for $65, intimidation looking great in a jacket while the invoice still has to score. The Hitmen has no tight end, so the position is a rumor they will try to start anyway. ESPN had Justin Jefferson at $55; The Hitmen heard a dare and said $65. The Hitmen wanted a dynasty look and got a group-chat argument with a logo.

Team Randy

stark lake · Hero RB

B-

Team Randy skipped the slogan and went straight to CeeDee Lamb for $64, subtlety not being in the auction, and neither were they. Team Randy paid hero money for Chase Brown, then made David Montgomery at $15 the entire contingency. Team Randy was in on Steelers D/ST at nomination 8, a defense that early being a bit that got out of the group chat. Team Randy maxed the night and still looks one hamstring away from a TED Talk.

Barn Burners

Ad_Noll · Hero WR

C-

Barn Burners promised fire and paid for Unknown for $61, some weeks a bonfire and some weeks a damp hay bale and a text. Barn Burners made Nico Collins the offense and treated running backs like a weather report. Barn Burners spent quarterback money twice (Bo Nix, Caleb Williams) like the position was going out of stock. Barn Burners will confuse a good night in the room with a good season until October.

Bye Week

aaron.r.schulte@gmail.com · Hero RB

B+

Bye Week bought Ashton Jeanty for $60 on a night they branded as time off, the bye being the personality and the receipt being the alibi. Bye Week rostered Lamar Jackson plus Brock Purdy because they do not trust the first one, the schedule, or themselves. Bye Week autodrafted Brock Purdy for $1, and even the robot sounded tired. File Bye Week under expensive certainty, complimentary chaos.

Lamb Slaughterhouse

ESPNFAN1783567051 · Hero RB

C

Lamb Slaughterhouse kept the warehouse lights on and paid for Derrick Henry for $60, processing hope still being a night job. Lamb Slaughterhouse paid starter-WR money for Josh Allen, so the passing game is solved and the rest of the roster is in committee. Lamb Slaughterhouse remains undefeated in hypotheticals and fully clothed in receipts.

Send Help

espnfan5899897207 · Balanced

B

Send Help spent real money on Christian McCaffrey for $58 and kept the distress call as a team name, which means the SOS was not a bit, it was a preview. Send Help hit $0 leftover, which is a flex until somebody gets hurt. Send Help maxed the $200, which is still broke when the bye weeks hit. Send Help did not draft to feel normal, they overshot the assignment.

Team Fantasm

jobcojim · Balanced

C-

Team Fantasm appeared long enough to buy Amon-Ra St. Brown for $56, then left a cold spot where a bench used to be. Team Fantasm paid $1 for J.J. McCarthy and will talk about value until the bye week files a complaint. Team Fantasm got J.J. McCarthy at $1, which is either smash or a public bet that streaming is a personality. Team Fantasm will be due forever, which is cheaper than a second running back.

Even the Losers

rkstocke5609@comcast.net · Hero RB

C+

Even the Losers put the Tom Petty paperwork on Bucky Irving for $52 and waited for the chorus to do the blocking. Even the Losers is one injury report on Dak Prescott ($2) away from a TED Talk titled "we liked the upside." Even the Losers spent every last dollar and still looks underinsured. The standings have not opened yet, and Even the Losers already has a caption ready.

Team D

kdewall05 · Balanced shop

C-

Team D remains allergic to extra syllables and spent the savings on James Cook III for $37, the D being for draft, also denial. Team D got A.J. Brown at $35 under a $42 tag and will still find a way to make it sound like a struggle. Team D paid $2 for Brandon Aubrey before the room had even finished pretending to be serious. The injury report is not a strategy, and Team D highlighted it anyway.