2023 auction recap

Team Fantasm

jobcojim · Studs and duds

C

Team Fantasm appeared long enough to buy Travis Kelce for $70, then left a cold spot where a bench used to be. Team Fantasm's running back room is Bijan Robinson and Raheem Mostert, which is one turf toe from a philosophical crisis. Team Fantasm paid $70 for Travis Kelce, which is tight end money that used to buy a running back and a personality. Team Fantasm will be due forever, which is cheaper than a second running back.

Bye Week

aaron.r.schulte@gmail.com · Studs and duds

A-

Bye Week bought Justin Jefferson for $69 on a night they branded as time off, the bye being the personality and the receipt being the alibi. Bye Week put $138 on Justin Jefferson and Christian McCaffrey, then asked the dollar bin to block. Bye Week collected 9 dollar players, which is not depth so much as a clearance rack with hope in the pockets. File Bye Week under expensive certainty, complimentary chaos.

Mediocre Bacon Slinger

HadleyBall75 · Studs and duds

C+

Mediocre Bacon Slinger slung Austin Ekeler for $69 like a diner special: grease, hope, and a ticket that still has to get called on Sunday. ESPN had Austin Ekeler at $4; Mediocre Bacon Slinger heard a dare and said $69. Mediocre Bacon Slinger dropped 35 percent of the night on Austin Ekeler, which is a monument with a prayer taped to the base. Mediocre Bacon Slinger bought a ceiling and forgot the floor takes mail.

Uncle Ricos '82 State Champs

Derek_Limesand · Balanced

B+

Uncle Ricos '82 State Champs arrived with vibes and left with Ja'Marr Chase for $67, only one of those hitting the box score. Uncle Ricos '82 State Champs maxed the $200, which is still broke when the bye weeks hit. Uncle Ricos '82 State Champs paid $2 for Justin Tucker before the room had even finished pretending to be serious. Uncle Ricos '82 State Champs remains undefeated in hypotheticals and fully clothed in receipts.

The Hitmen

hamby99 · Hero RB

C+

The Hitmen sent the house after Derrick Henry for $65, intimidation looking great in a jacket while the invoice still has to score. The Hitmen paid hero money for Derrick Henry, then made Rachaad White at $13 the entire contingency. The Hitmen hit $0 leftover, which is a flex until somebody gets hurt. The Hitmen wanted a dynasty look and got a group-chat argument with a logo.

Bud Light Berto

Bud Light Berto · Hero RB

C

Bud Light Berto is a 12-pack with Tyreek Hill for $64 taped to the side and a lineup that still has to survive last call. Bud Light Berto left the auction without a quarterback, which is a choice, and also a cry for help with better lighting. Bud Light Berto autodrafted Steelers D/ST for $1, and even the robot sounded tired. Bud Light Berto will have the group chat defending this until week four, then it becomes a documentary.

Greener Pastures

5674petersm · Balanced

A-

Greener Pastures made Garrett Wilson for $62 the whole personality, which is a lot of pressure to put on one invoice. Najee Harris cost Greener Pastures $35 against a $4 sticker, the convenience fee for winning the room. Greener Pastures paid $35 for Najee Harris on a $4 board and called it competing. Greener Pastures gave confidence a budget and depth a shrug.

Barn Burners

Ad_Noll · Balanced

B+

Barn Burners promised fire and paid for Saquon Barkley for $61, some weeks a bonfire and some weeks a damp hay bale and a text. Barn Burners let autodraft finish 4 picks, including Unknown, because the machine does not love you, it just has a queue. Barn Burners collected 2 wideouts and called it a room, so Terry McLaurin will now be asked to be three people. Barn Burners will confuse a good night in the room with a good season until October.

Team D

kdewall05 · QB stack

D

Team D remains allergic to extra syllables and spent the savings on Unknown for $60, the D being for draft, also denial. Team D rostered Josh Allen plus Tua Tagovailoa because they do not trust the first one, the schedule, or themselves. Team D spent quarterback money twice (Josh Allen, Tua Tagovailoa) like the position was going out of stock. The injury report is not a strategy, and Team D highlighted it anyway.

Even the Losers

rkstocke5609@comcast.net · Hero WR

D

Even the Losers put the Tom Petty paperwork on Stefon Diggs for $56 and waited for the chorus to do the blocking. Even the Losers got Brandon Aiyuk at $11 under a $21 tag and will still find a way to make it sound like a struggle. Even the Losers left $9 on the table, which is not discipline so much as a night they got tired of raising. The standings have not opened yet, and Even the Losers already has a caption ready.

Send Help

espnfan5899897207 · Hero WR

A

Send Help spent real money on CeeDee Lamb for $52 and kept the distress call as a team name, which means the SOS was not a bit, it was a preview. Send Help bought Dak Prescott and Trevor Lawrence, two answers to a question that did not need a sequel. Send Help was in on 49ers D/ST at nomination 7, a defense that early being a bit that got out of the group chat. Send Help did not draft to feel normal, they overshot the assignment.

Team Randy

stark lake · Balanced

A

Team Randy skipped the slogan and went straight to Amon-Ra St. Brown for $48, subtlety not being in the auction, and neither were they. Team Randy paid starter-WR money for Jalen Hurts, so the passing game is solved and the rest of the roster is in committee. Team Randy spent every last dollar and still looks underinsured. Team Randy maxed the night and still looks one hamstring away from a TED Talk.